Tag Archives: freedom

As If…

©Misty Mountain Reverie 2015
©Misty Mountain Reverie 2015

 

Who on earth

are you

to tell me

what I need

to do?

As if I asked

for your advice

Or indicated

I was struggling

with a vice

 

I’m quite happy

don’t you see?

Oh no, wait ha-ha

With you it’s always

“All about ME”

Because I’m not

fulfilling an

expectation of your’s?

Take your pathetic

projections and shove

it up your drawers

Your arrogance and

condescending tone

Are laughable at best

At the very least

just go home

Lord, is this a test?

To see if I can find

compassion and forgiveness

Trying to convince you

I will never feel

your indifference

Just let me get back

to the beautiful space

I create

Before your

Miserable spirit thought

It had a hand

In my

Fate

Getting Lost and Directions

Cosmic soap bubbles (God takes a bath) (612350664)
By woodleywonderworks (cosmic soap bubbles (God takes a bath)) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Getting Lost and Directions

When  I started this blog, I had all sorts of ideas. Poetry was not one of them 🙂

Yet, here I am. What happened at first was exciting and overwhelming. I did not anticipate my jumbled, often contradictory feelings, thrown into fragments, could even be considered poetry or prose. I most definitely did not expect to reach people, touch people,  help people. I simply was not prepared. I felt too vulnerable, and insecure.

I began to hold back my feelings. I was insecure about my negative/dark thoughts and writing.  I felt responsible, self-conscious and placed unnecessary expectations on myself.

I read information about marketing, tried to master the ever-changing SEO dance, joined the ‘look-at-me’ brigade…it sucked. It ruined the whole process, my entire mission.

I decided to take a step back. I took a break and focused on starting a dream of mine, a home  delivery cooking business. I also began to focus more on QEDomains, another business I would like to see get off the ground.

Then Life decided to throw a fit, akin to a 2 year old’s temper-tantrum. Health issues, family drama and financial issues ensued. I was in the middle of home-schooling, trying to find work and ran out of money for anything on the extra list.

Then I was missed?! I was blown away by the feedback. It just took awhile to sink in. I was not feeling very worthy, was experiencing too much loss and grief to feel like I could help or contribute to anyone. Most of the feedback I’ve experienced has been on Twitter. It is a wild place. One, where surprisingly, which I have found compassion, empathy and connection. Touching people with my words has been humbling.

Thankfully, as all things seem to do, the storm calmed. Positive forward motion was now possible. My Muse began to sing again.

Knowing I can help is what has encouraged me to continue to post my poems and basically my journal. Hearing from you is what will enable my site to flourish. Connecting with other like-minded souls is the best part

Moving forward, what I hope to accomplish is putting my thoughts, poems, photos, recipes, drawings, paintings and other creations out there with no regard to appeal or popularity. If the world likes it, fantastic! If not, well that’s fantastic too. Self-reliance is my goal. Basing our worth on others needs, wants, judgments or expectations/rules is a recipe for disaster. No one ever benefits.

And on this journey, when I falter, or need a pep talk, or have to vent and rant, my pen will once again hit the paper. I’ll write freely like I used to. I’ll let my jumbled emotions flow. I’ll let go of worrying about what people think. I’m letting go of ridicule, systems, formulas and agendas.  I look forward to what has yet to unfold.

If you made it this far, wow, YOU ROCK! I thank you for you time and attention. It means a lot to me

Balancing Act

2013-03-15_10-59-22_220

Trying to write down

struggling to express

these feelings and emotions

causing me distress

A few words here

some more there

Nothing  sounds right

so I simply stare

at a white sheet of paper

Blinding glare

Begging for the ink

to spark the flare

Endless stream of fire

Energy escaping all around

Unable to be contained

Releasing what was bound

up in disguise

As balance

and structure

never really been content

to stay boxed into culture

Thinking “Expectations and Labels”

were attainable goals

Now laughing as I realize

I simply can’t do what I’m told

Veiled as worry and concern

Or love and generosity

When deep down the motives

benefit only one at this party

And it’s NOT ME, you see…

Who gains a thing

No, Pieces and Chunks of  me

have gone missing

Stolen away by those

who bill for attention

and smother with gold

aiming for retention

as the ultimate goal

Not realizing , without water

their bloom will wither away